Evangeline Macnair for ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif) blurred_lines. |
[July 28; 05:56pm] |
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the term’s connotation is often less than positive: bluestockings are sometimes pictured — partly due to Daumier’s poison pen — as unfeminine, pedantic, humorless, and ( self-important. )
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| 14 March 1980. |
[March 15; 03:26pm] |
WARDED PRIVATE TO WALDEN.
I think I stumbled upon something rather disturbing this morning. You know how much I adore our mother and would never think poorly of her, in fact I would never say anything bad about her at all if I could help it. But Walden, I really believe she needs help this time. It's getting quite ridiculous. She was shoving things in my face, as what seems to be customary these days whenever she sees me, and then started nattering on about colour schemes. Walden. Colour schemes. Do we need to get her to a doctor?
And don't giggle. I have proof.
( Cut for Picture. )
If you come over and distract her, I think I'll be able to lure her to the fireplace and Floo her straight to Mungo's if needed.
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO BEN.
I can see what induces other people to elope. If I had no regard for my mother's mental health, I would have suggested it sooner.
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO DEATH EATERS AND SUPPORTERS.
The outreach program is receiving particularly good press. Let's just ignore page 29
END WARDS.
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| 5 January 1980. |
[January 06; 09:31am] |
WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.
What.
What?
END WARDS.
ADDED AN HOUR OR SO LATER - WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.
Mother is being completely unhelpful. And she had the audacity to shush me whilst I was informing her of who Walden's supposed bride would be. The youngest Wilkes girl. Is she even past her seventeenth birthday yet? WE ATTENDED HER AND HER TWIN'S DEBUT. Oh sweet Circe, there are so many things that I find disturbing about this match. She is younger than I am, for Merlin's sake. And my brother, who people have mistaken for my own father.
No, no. I must calm down.
This is not about me. This is about Walden, and if he is happy with his decision then, by god, I am determined to be happy for him.
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO WALDEN.
Aside from the poor choice of lettering, I thought the invitation was quite tasteful, don't you think?
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO JACQUELINE WILKES.
Contragulati
I am pleased to welcome you to our famil
Oh, never mind
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO NARCISSA, ALECTO, SERAPHINA & HORTENSE.
I trust you have all heard the happy news.
END WARDS.
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| 4 January 1980. |
[January 05; 12:44pm] |
WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.
The cottage is a mess. I suppose it's a small comfort that I managed to close all the windows when I left that night, otherwise I would have come home to water-damaged belongings. It was--rather difficult to start cleaning up. The dark, the dust, the strange silence of uninhabited rooms. It was too much at once, I couldn't Mother sent a house elf to do most of the work, which made things easier. The rooms are all lit now and I finally feel comfortable enough to be alone.
Mother wouldn't let me out of her sight yesterday (and the day before that, &c). I slept by her side for the first time since I was six, when I used to bother her about nightmares. And I wondered how simple it had all been when I was a child--the only things I had to worry about were things that hid in the dark corners of my room, when Walden would visit next, and whether or not I think it was a grand idea to provoke father's ire at the dinner table. It all seems so uncomplicated. I suppose it is the only time when people are completely free, unburdened by obligations and deadlines. Children don't really have to think about anything other than what to do the next day and the day after that; they don't have to think about what could happen in a month, or a year, or ten years.
I received his letter yesterday. Thankfully, I managed to hide it before mother barged into the room demanding to know who sent the roses. I have not been out of Azkaban for a week and she is already filled with talk of marriage and engagements. Although, I cannot the deny the fact that he did occupy a large portion of thought whilst I was in prison-- In some ways, I'm glad that he is still--I don't know--interested but I can't help but be exasperated at mother's smug satisfaction at the sight of the flowers. This issue still requires some time to mull things over.
Walden is in high spirits and I feel nothing less than optimism at this step towards victory. It won't be long before proper acts and provisions can be made to ensure the enforcement of proper Wizarding laws. I suppose the months I spent in Azkaban are worth the privilege to witness the rebirth of Wizarding society.
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO WALDEN.
I think it's time to tell mother that I am more than capable of brushing my hair by myself.
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO NARCISSA & ALECTO.
I have been gone too long. How are you both?
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO BEN.
I will let you know.
END WARDS.
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| 19 October 1979. |
[October 20; 12:04pm] |
Darkness seems to cling to the edges of our vision lately. It threatens to take over how we function, both as individuals and as a society. We all live in fear these days so I don't see what good it will do for us to point fingers at each other. What has happened in the past couple of days had been unnecessary events triggered by the tension of the past few months. It does not help that certain individuals continue to provoke and cajole those who are prone to fits of random violence. How much longer do these innocents have to suffer due to someone else's foolishness?
WARDED PRIVATE TO DEATH EATERS & SUPPORTERS.
Apologies for the condescending note of that paragraph. Perhaps they might find it easier to swallow if they understand that these occurrences can be easily avoided if they cooperate more readily.
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.
Bellatrix was completely right, of course. But, I have to admit that I am more than a little disgusted at the way the three children met their ends. Werewolves. They aren't exactly the most peaceable sort; I suppose the bloodlust takes over their sense of humanity and compassion. They are animals, after all. I can see what the Dark Lord was thinking about when he made his pact with Fenrir. The Death Eaters need someone else to do the odd job or two, especially those that require a certain type of brutality. However, tactical use of the Dark Army is different to that of random killings due to some psychopath's whim.
I find this little spree quite off-putting. I truly wonder whether or not the Dark Lord knows how much authority he exerts over these creatures. It is not in my place to question the workings of the Death Eaters, but from a political viewpoint, the presence of a plausible threat is... foreboding.
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO WALDEN.
Two guests does not really satisfy the requirements for a "gathering" you know.
END WARDS.
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| 30 September 1979. |
[October 01; 09:29am] |
WARDED PRIVATE TO DEs & SUPPORTERS.
Perhaps you were not aware, but the amount of idiocy in these journals has just increased alarmingly. If this is the greatest contribution a Muggleborn (or, indeed, a misled half-blood) can contribute to society, then I have grave doubts about our future. I am merely concerned about the seemingly degrading state of affairs and I do not at all condemn those who have deigned reply to that distasteful forum. However, I only ask that one to refrain from encouraging those of lower status from belittling our cultural norms.
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO NARCISSA AND ALECTO.
And naturally, I would rather ask you about such matters.
END WARDS.
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| 20 September 1979. |
[September 21; 02:44pm] |
WARDED PRIVATE TO DEATH EATERS AND SUPPORTERS.
Father died two days ago. We are currently organising everything and I will inform you the date for the funeral shortly.
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.
They will think me callous. Frankly, I don't really care what they will think. I am relieved that he is gone, no longer there to interfere and manipulate my mother, Walden and I as if we were nothing more than pawns in his business dealings. I hated him while he was alive and the sentiment does not change now just because he had the decency to die. His death suits him. Alone, holed up in some cottage, hunched over paperwork he spent more time with than his own family. He disgusts me still. To hell with everyone else if they think me heartless for not grieving him. He wasn't a good father despite whatever mask he liked to parade to the public.
Mother is better off without his constant, malicious presence. If only she would see how much things will improve for her now but she insists at looking at the past with rose-tinted glasses. It's sickening. He was never there for her when she needed him. I don't know what kind of sado-masochistic relationship that was but it was not healthy for her. She deserved, and still does deserve, something better. She hasn't stopped crying since we found out and I haven't got the heart to start talking sense into her yet. I can't believe She loved him. I don't understand how she did, what with all his faults and his disregard for anyone but himself.
Surely she noticed how he had treated Walden over the years? His own son and he treated my brother as if Walden was the greatest failure in his life. The harassment and the blatant disdain, please tell me that she did not manage to skate over those tiny, insignificant details of my father's apparent "great legacy". From what I can see, the only legacy he left us is our determination to be nothing like him.
I wish mother stopped crying.
END WARDS.
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| 16 September 1979. |
[September 17; 10:24am] |
WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.
He (father, despite the fact that I still regret having to call him that) will have been missing for two weeks this Sunday. Mother is in, what seems to me, a constant state of hysteria although she had calmed down a little ever since Walden hired someone to look for him. It almost feels as if she insists on making a fuss of it all and she has these ridiculous stories floating around her head. The incident at Hogwarts last Saturday did not help matters and I feel somewhat guilty, having been involved in the siege no matter how small my role was. I contributed to her worries. I dislike that. She must not know about it at all, otherwise the thought that I've been running around with the Death Eaters would be enough for her to start the process of institutionalising me for my own safety. Mama tends to be a little too overprotective in these matters; she seems to forget that I'm quite capable of magic when the occasion calls for it.
Nevertheless, I should not add another burden to her. She has not been sleeping very well, I think. I mentioned that she had dark circles under her eyes and she merely waved it away instead of fussing over her appearance and telling the house elf to bring her cold cucumber slices or whatever else was the supposed antidote for such a predicament. Mama said I shouldn't worry about her but that is merely easy for her to say.
I cannot help but think that he is doing this out of spite, as if he had orchestrated all of this in order to make mama suffer and for Walden and I to realise how much control he still exerts over this family. The fact that she does not realise how horrid he is shows just that. I want her to realise this, I want her to see just how foolish it is that she has to rely on that man's whims for her happiness. She deserves more than that. Mama deserves to be happy without him ruining other aspects of her life for it. Walden agrees with me, I'm sure.
And now it feels as if all else happening in my life is inconsequential after deliberating about this. For example, the fact that I practically humiliated myself with Leoben Yaxley feels almost unnecessary to waste thinking space on. However, I had sacrificed my dignity somewhat, even though he had not realised what I meant to say. Perhaps I can chalk it up to a combination of post-battle anxiety and misplaced affection. Personally, I find that a flimsy rationale but if he does wise up to the implications of that conversation, I must have one excuse or another. The entire thing is irritating me and I feel as if I am particularly socially inept, which I am sure I am not. Yet. Quite frankly, I am not the best judge of social interaction.
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO NARCISSA AND ALECTO.
This will not be discussed elsewhere and I ask for both of your discretions regarding this matter. Hypothetically speaking, if I there is this young woman of reasonable age and blood status who may or may not have expressed, albeit vaguely, her interest in a young man who is also of reasonable age and blood status. However, he is an idiot the young man seemed rather oblivious to this and so the young woman called him an idiot. I don't really know how to put this Ideas?
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO WALDEN.
I hope you were not too badly hurt during the battle. How are you feeling?
END WARDS.
WARDED PRIVATE TO LEOBEN.
I didn't mean it that way so I suggest you stop implying that I
END WARDS.
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| 14 September 1979. |
[September 15; 01:12pm] |
WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.
Maybe he's drugged.
In any case, he is infuriating. And I want to--no, I do not
END WARDS.
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| 9 September 1979. |
[September 10; 11:39am] |
WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF.
 I do not know what that man is thinking, running off without some note to tell mama where he is but--
Is he really a complete imbecile?  Mama is beside herself with worry, she wants to hire someone to find him. I'm trying to tell her to calm down but she's having none of it.
He's probably just left in a hurry for a business trip. I don't see why she is making this out to be such an important thing, he routinely leaves her for long periods of time anyway.
END WARDS.
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